dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
