Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
