Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
