Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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