too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
