I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
