Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize