True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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