It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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