I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
