1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
