just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
