i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
