You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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