There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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