new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
