she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize