My brain says no but my pants say off.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
