i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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