Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize