she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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