no, he came in my armpit
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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