Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
