you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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