There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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