Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
