I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
