Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
