He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
