So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
