My boss' voice literally gives me gas
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
