she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
