My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
