You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
