So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
