Don't make out with my wife yet
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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