In the future we'll all be gay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize