there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
