standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
