I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
