I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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