I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
