im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This is classic penis vs brain.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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