we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
