I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
