Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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