She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
