Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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