It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
