i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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