Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
