my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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