Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can't talk, ducks in the car
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
