I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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