I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
