I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
