sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
