I love black thongs
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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