yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
