things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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